i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
