No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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