Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
