My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
