Don't make out with my wife yet
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
