I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
