i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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