she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
