If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
