First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
