First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
