i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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