Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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