Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
