she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
