They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dicks are not precious.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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