it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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