I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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