RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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