I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
