happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
