I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
