my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
