One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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