I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
