The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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