too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
