im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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