After last night, I could never be a politician.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
