Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
