if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
