I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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