Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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