And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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