Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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