Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
