There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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