Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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