Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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