so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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