If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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