Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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