you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
