I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
