is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think people are normalizing furries
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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