so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
