She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
