First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
