what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
