That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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